Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
