the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
