white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
