I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
There's always time for handjobs
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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