we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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