i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
why do cheetos always look like penises
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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