3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
