Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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