in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
there is glitter all over my balls
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