it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
