I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
