the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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