Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
