....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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