New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
