Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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