You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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