I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he was CRYING into my vagina
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
