benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
