Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We had sex on a dog bed..
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
soo... how was my night?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
