btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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