I am puke
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My feet surprised me
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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