I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
