just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
