Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
