yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
