Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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