i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You pole danced in your parka.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
