Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
