Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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