I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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