Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
