just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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