I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
