I think I won the penis lottery.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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