Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
