Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
