well I can't set my house on fire every night
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
