look no pants
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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