you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
