I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
