well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
