She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
