well I can't set my house on fire every night
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
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