so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
