This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
