no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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