i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
