I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
