drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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